Sleep Now, My Doll - A Kuroshitsuji FanFiction

SLEEP NOW, MY DOLL

And to think. I wasn't the one pulling the strings after all.

The desperation to please my admirable master, my pride in serving them for eternity, my everlasting want and need of acceptance praise and a home...

...all of it gone like a flickering flame, a lost spark. I am but a broken doll, quietly yearning for the gentle touch of childish hands. I am no longer the marrionette with the puppeteer at the helm. I am alone. Cold; dark; lost forever. The lights go down, the crimson curtains close. My final performance has ended, and has ended rather too abruptly for my liking. But who am I to judge, to want, to desire, to dream? The show's over. My time has come.

Did you play with dolls? Did you care for them, tend to their every whim? Fulfill childhood dreams and fantasies just by looking into their breathtaking, faraway eyes?

And then did you thoughtlessly discard them as you grew, moved on to pastures anew as if you had never shared anything special with those beautiful, heartless creatures? You picked them up and gave them soul, like it was natural, effortless, innate, easy as breathing. Just as I had been used by my master. Oh, such incomprehensible power you humans hold! I was once just like you.

And now, as I collapse in front of my beloved master, dying for the second time as he deems me "incompetent", dreams flood back as if a yearning child had just picked me up, prepared to bring me to life.

"I reasoned that I'm supposed to be human, however, lately, termites seem to be falling out of my ears."

Am I a beautiful doll, even in death? Will someone appreciate me? Will someone finally handle me with care and affection?

I want to believe that I was a human - and sane. But as the harsh memories unceremoniously return, and I remember my turbulent past and my death, I am not so sure anymore. I am sick. I express nothing. I just want to feel.

I want real eyes once more; not mere deceiving trickeries of glass and form. Sure, they were pretty to behold, pleasing to the unfortunate strangers I took in, brilliantly blue and sparkling with mischief. But that was just the callous tint of falseness, of semi-death. I could easily dress them in wings of pink and blue, shroud them in charm and mystique, but they were nothing compared to soulful, human eyes.

I want to see things with emotion - not just see the ugliness of the world and how it twists and changes people.

And now I shudder as I remember my first death.

A faint spattering of blood, the haggard ghost of a scream...

Every life I've had, there was violence and utter misery. And this time round, I was the one causing it all. I had done the deeds, regardless if I had been unwilling to do so or not. I have seen so much through eyes both old and new - never at peace, never allowed to rest, always serving someone else without freely choosing my own path to take, even in my fragile human form. Now I lie dying... maybe, just maybe, it will be for the final time.

So, with my last ounce of strength, I cross my arms across my body, making them touch my shoulders, sending out a final message to this cruel, ugly world.

I am a broken doll - do not fix me. I want to see what it is like to be truly dead. To sleep... to dream forever of pink and blue, of amethyst flowers, of delights and good company among friends, the happiness and completion I have forever longed for.

I am dying.

But this time around, there is no fear. This time around, it will be for the last time. Maybe now I can sleep.